This post is here for no other reason than for Jesus and I to voice our opinions on certain people, namely you. Sorry cunt.

Bloody Weather

I do other things than look out of the window, you know, but I don't want it to be raining.

I just clicked on that Launchcast link (<---) because I saw it, and judging by this one song I've heard (which isn't Sledgehammer) I really like the music of Mr Peter Gabriel. Finished school at 3 today, 20 minutes earlier than usual. I've written one form out, but done fuck all marking. I'm gonna die soon if I don't start sorting this out. Death by shirking, if you'd believe such a thing. Anyway, nice to talk to you cunt, time to go home.

xxx

Hey.

It's raining.

Thought yesterday we'd been excused Winter and skipped forward to spring, but the weather's shit today. And I've got to walk up and pay the rent today. I'd put it off, but it's already been put off until pay day. Which is today. I'm gonna have to do a lot of phoning and calculating to give everybody enough money to stop them taking me to court but little enough so that all the other money-grabbers can have a bit. For fuck's sake, can't they give me a break? Just for a bit? This is my second pay day in this job, but I wouldn't notice, I'm never allowed to keep any of it! Lloyds don't help with their continual fucking charging either. Hey! One of our charges from last month sent you over your limit! We're gonna have to charge you 30 quid for that, my son.

Cheers, you fucking bankers.

Must dash. x

Your new favourite band

Try this out for size: http://www.sethputnam.com/AC.html

What a cunt!

I feel I should draw your attention

to the following web site. Or whatever they're called these days- http://hitlercats.motime.com/

It seems to combine your two passions in life, so I thought you'd enjoy it.

Mighty boosh series two sucks.

And considering they won themselves only one of the group matches, I'd like to wish our lads luck in Germany tomorrow.

1 nil by a goal we didn't score.

Pack your bags lads, it's hometime.

Wanna see our Grass? Yes, the capital G is deserved. That's less than half I've managed to cut. And Paul-cunt did most of that. I had a go yesterday but the strimmer started smoking. With actual smoke. Left it a bit and it was making a queer sound. I know, I know, I shouldn't have let it get so long. I reckon it's about 2 ft tall at least. It'd be quite pretty as a meadow, but it's a bit embarrassing as a garden. Even for a cunt like me. You cunt.

Fucking Bono

It was Barbecue Day on Wednesday. I know I didn't have the first one, but it's an important time of year for me. What was good, though, was that I also combined it with Shorts Day. Rock AND roll. My garden's a fucking meadow. It's longer than it got over the whole of winter.
It's got flowers and grasses of all kinds. I think there are dandylions, but they're too short to be seen. Now fuck off. You bore me.

Are you ready to rock?

You've gotta be sure now. I've just made a Space with which to Promote my Band, seeing as that seems to be how it's done These Days. You should be able to find it at http://www.myspace.com/74984622. There's a blog entry, but that's about all I've managed to do so far. New sucks. Give me something I can do.

And lo! The wind did trump upon its passing!

See? I could've written a bible. Piece of piss. Anyway, I just saw a robin in my garden. It sat on the fence. That one, there. I cut that grass the other day. Took fucking ages, needed amptying every 2 minutes. And the bastard's grown again now, look. What a fucking cunt. That's the first washing I've hung out this year. Hope it doesn't get nicked again.

Getting your washing nicked
*****

Bye bye, Barri,

Bye bye. See you around. Or doubtless when you bring yourself back to the West Midlands. Love you, you hairy cu- love you. x

Children Beware

I'm out to get you! For I am now a teacher. Pending completed assignments. Don't educate your kids in the West Midlands. You have been warned!

Were I not so mild-mannered,

I'd have a few words to say about that prick of a university tutor of mine. He was supposed to be doing my final observation today (it's my last week), but he didn't turn up, because despite explicitly emailing the time, date, class etc., he apparently thought it was at a different time, so the lesson I spent all week planning went unwitnessed. So here I am, about to try again for tomorrow. What a fucking cunt (it's deserved in this case).

I fucking ROCK!

What? Why are you looking like that? Oh, sorry- CUNT.

CUNT

is offensive, She tells me. If I could ask your assistance then, which do you prefer, flange or minge? Or maybe you have a better name for a lady's axe-wound? Let me know by clicking below.

Hey! I'm a poet and I didn't realise!

Good news, everybody!

Them daffs is growing. No flowers yet, but I can see some leafs. I spotted a couple of crocus leafs also as well.

I'm Not Racist, but...

...foreign call centres are really starting to fuck me off. Apart from being unnerving (okay, so I am), THEY DON'T SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH! I am made a payment? Am I? So why did I have to call you? Surely it's because I'm not made a payment? Yeah, say it louder, then I'll understand. Louder still? Got it. Tell you what, you check with your supervisor. He's probably got a dictionary. Anyway, it seems that if you ignore the foreign ones, you get upgraded to the English ones. Which is now the stage I'm at. Bankruptcy here I come.

Lloyds TSB, I'm looking in your direction...

I can smell your cunt.

Yes I can.

Shit!

I blocked the bog! What a fucking idiot! It was only toilet paper. That the decorations were wrapped in last year and I couldn't be bothered to replace. They were just taking up space in the box, so it made sense to dispose of it in the place it goes. There was a lot of it, but it fitted in. And I'm buggered if I'm gonna be picking baubles out of that water. It was a shit one anyway. Was a bit scary when the water level started rising towards the rim (not mine, I was standing up), but it stopped just short of the top. Note: Toilets, or ours at least seem to have the ability to drain water from under the rim. Where it comes out. Thinking about it, it was probably just the water going down, and thereby allowing air under it that made it gurgle. Though I'm sure the bleach foam was being sucked towards it.
Anyway, it was going down very slowly. VERY slowly. I had a feel round the bend with some rubber gloves, but couldn't reach anything. If you ever bung up your crapper and feel the need to stick your hand down it, make sure you wear long gloves. I didn't. I also tried shoving a spare shower hose up it, to no avail. Dunno whether it hit a bend it couldn't do, but it wasn't moving. Looked in a DIY book. It said I needed a special giant plunger or a kind of rod thing. Fuck that. So I rang my dad.
No answer on the mobile. So I rang his house. And was transferred across (one c? I think so). Phew. He suggested either putting a hose up and squirting or using a wet cloth as a plunger. Bollocks to the hose. I got the rat's towel. Yes, the rat's towel. after emptying a bit out with a too-big bucket it cleared with one go of the towel. Definitely one to try next time.

The moral? Don't put things in the loo that don't go there. Or too much of what does.

Hopefully then, my lovelies, this sorry tale will be of some use to one of you cunts and you won't have to go through what I did. I still smell of bleach. Though I doubt it. So fuck you all.

Thank fuck the Lady was out with her sisters and mother shopping for bridesmaid's dresses (for her sister's wedding). There would have been all sorts of panic, tears, call to plumbers and bollocks like that if she hadn't. I worked up a sweat though when time wore on.

Incidentally, if you are ever invited to watch Bad Santa with your partner's family, or if they suggest, say, you get it on paper-view, politely decline. They may be mildly offended, but you won't have to sit through a film with them what every sentence seems to contain the word "fuck", often preceded by the word "mother", and where the protagonist is abnormally obsessed with seeing to women in the manner which has the effect of rendering them unable to "shit right for a week". A surprising number of sex scenes for a Christmas film.

Bad Santa
@*!#$

You have been warned. Now fuck off.

I'm tired.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

Liam Neeson strung up and stuck through with a knife. About bloody time. Kids can't act for shit, and this film's not changed my opinion. But they did a better job than that fucking witch. What knob-head cast that one? The beavers saved this film. I don't remember anything in the book about Cair Paravel being a fucking cricket pavilion, neither. That boring one would get it in a couple of film's time, but until then I'll make do with the older Lucy.

*****

Sorry about that folks

...Appears I was due some national service is the Venezuelan Army. I'm not supposed to be back yet, but you won't tell, will you? Will you? If they ever ask you, tell them thanks, but no thanks. I've never met such a shouty lot in all my life. So what else have I done? Thanks for asking, It really means a lot to me that you're so interested. You cunt. Speaking of which, do this: Worst Job. Don't get scared, it's an MP3 from a real website, so it's fine. Really.

Ah, yes cunts. Well, I planted me daffs, my dad did get back to me, but after the event. For fuck's sake. When I saw what that fuckhead what replied to the last post did for a living, I almost shit myself, till I saw his name wasn't my dad's. But then (you might wanna sit down) this isn't my name. Had you fucking going there, diddle I cunts? Well, I managed to get back home in time for Christmas, but just about. Christmas eve bye the time I fucking turned up on Mother's doorstep. Only just beat the Holy Father himself. That means Santa, right?

Been to school. I've got a new school. It's a nice school. Got my first reall observation on Tuesday. Is year sevens, shouldn't be a problem. I'll let you know, my darlings.

I'm gonna take the Chrimbo deccys down today, I really think I ought to. After breakfast though.

Love you all.

xxxx