I fucking ROCK!

What? Why are you looking like that? Oh, sorry- CUNT.

CUNT

is offensive, She tells me. If I could ask your assistance then, which do you prefer, flange or minge? Or maybe you have a better name for a lady's axe-wound? Let me know by clicking below.

Hey! I'm a poet and I didn't realise!

Good news, everybody!

Them daffs is growing. No flowers yet, but I can see some leafs. I spotted a couple of crocus leafs also as well.

I'm Not Racist, but...

...foreign call centres are really starting to fuck me off. Apart from being unnerving (okay, so I am), THEY DON'T SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH! I am made a payment? Am I? So why did I have to call you? Surely it's because I'm not made a payment? Yeah, say it louder, then I'll understand. Louder still? Got it. Tell you what, you check with your supervisor. He's probably got a dictionary. Anyway, it seems that if you ignore the foreign ones, you get upgraded to the English ones. Which is now the stage I'm at. Bankruptcy here I come.

Lloyds TSB, I'm looking in your direction...

I can smell your cunt.

Yes I can.