Shit!

I blocked the bog! What a fucking idiot! It was only toilet paper. That the decorations were wrapped in last year and I couldn't be bothered to replace. They were just taking up space in the box, so it made sense to dispose of it in the place it goes. There was a lot of it, but it fitted in. And I'm buggered if I'm gonna be picking baubles out of that water. It was a shit one anyway. Was a bit scary when the water level started rising towards the rim (not mine, I was standing up), but it stopped just short of the top. Note: Toilets, or ours at least seem to have the ability to drain water from under the rim. Where it comes out. Thinking about it, it was probably just the water going down, and thereby allowing air under it that made it gurgle. Though I'm sure the bleach foam was being sucked towards it.
Anyway, it was going down very slowly. VERY slowly. I had a feel round the bend with some rubber gloves, but couldn't reach anything. If you ever bung up your crapper and feel the need to stick your hand down it, make sure you wear long gloves. I didn't. I also tried shoving a spare shower hose up it, to no avail. Dunno whether it hit a bend it couldn't do, but it wasn't moving. Looked in a DIY book. It said I needed a special giant plunger or a kind of rod thing. Fuck that. So I rang my dad.
No answer on the mobile. So I rang his house. And was transferred across (one c? I think so). Phew. He suggested either putting a hose up and squirting or using a wet cloth as a plunger. Bollocks to the hose. I got the rat's towel. Yes, the rat's towel. after emptying a bit out with a too-big bucket it cleared with one go of the towel. Definitely one to try next time.

The moral? Don't put things in the loo that don't go there. Or too much of what does.

Hopefully then, my lovelies, this sorry tale will be of some use to one of you cunts and you won't have to go through what I did. I still smell of bleach. Though I doubt it. So fuck you all.

Thank fuck the Lady was out with her sisters and mother shopping for bridesmaid's dresses (for her sister's wedding). There would have been all sorts of panic, tears, call to plumbers and bollocks like that if she hadn't. I worked up a sweat though when time wore on.

Incidentally, if you are ever invited to watch Bad Santa with your partner's family, or if they suggest, say, you get it on paper-view, politely decline. They may be mildly offended, but you won't have to sit through a film with them what every sentence seems to contain the word "fuck", often preceded by the word "mother", and where the protagonist is abnormally obsessed with seeing to women in the manner which has the effect of rendering them unable to "shit right for a week". A surprising number of sex scenes for a Christmas film.

Bad Santa
@*!#$

You have been warned. Now fuck off.

I'm tired.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

Liam Neeson strung up and stuck through with a knife. About bloody time. Kids can't act for shit, and this film's not changed my opinion. But they did a better job than that fucking witch. What knob-head cast that one? The beavers saved this film. I don't remember anything in the book about Cair Paravel being a fucking cricket pavilion, neither. That boring one would get it in a couple of film's time, but until then I'll make do with the older Lucy.

*****

Sorry about that folks

...Appears I was due some national service is the Venezuelan Army. I'm not supposed to be back yet, but you won't tell, will you? Will you? If they ever ask you, tell them thanks, but no thanks. I've never met such a shouty lot in all my life. So what else have I done? Thanks for asking, It really means a lot to me that you're so interested. You cunt. Speaking of which, do this: Worst Job. Don't get scared, it's an MP3 from a real website, so it's fine. Really.

Ah, yes cunts. Well, I planted me daffs, my dad did get back to me, but after the event. For fuck's sake. When I saw what that fuckhead what replied to the last post did for a living, I almost shit myself, till I saw his name wasn't my dad's. But then (you might wanna sit down) this isn't my name. Had you fucking going there, diddle I cunts? Well, I managed to get back home in time for Christmas, but just about. Christmas eve bye the time I fucking turned up on Mother's doorstep. Only just beat the Holy Father himself. That means Santa, right?

Been to school. I've got a new school. It's a nice school. Got my first reall observation on Tuesday. Is year sevens, shouldn't be a problem. I'll let you know, my darlings.

I'm gonna take the Chrimbo deccys down today, I really think I ought to. After breakfast though.

Love you all.

xxxx